The StassiNet

We have decided to throw together an annual celebration to honor Red Pandas, kitties, cute people, and everything wonderful the Internets has brought us. The first annual Day of Stassi, on May 13th, 2009 is being tracked via Facebook, which you can view the event page for here:

[ http://day-of.stassi.net/ ]

Since this day can be celebrated everywhere in the world, please let us know you plan on attending with your RSVP! While you're at it, you can track the rest of our activities through the StassiNet Facebook fanpage.

History

1 In the beginning red pandas created the very first Internet.

2 And the Internet was without forums, or pop-ups; and darkness was upon the gap between websites (this was before Google). And America Online downloaded pictures ever so slowly unto the 56k modems.

3 And Al Gore said, Let there be more than just one Internet: and there were more than one Internets.

4 And Al Gore picked up a kitty, and it was good: and Al Gore divided the noobs from the haxx0rs.

5 And Al Gore said, Let us make the StassiNet, about things we like: and let them have dominion over the kitties sleeping on our laps, and over the YouTube videos we have already seen but thought were really cool, and over the red pandas, and over all the Internets, and over every awesome thing that creepeth upon the Interwebs.

6 And after Al Gore worked all day to save the environment, in the evening he blogged about Halo 3. And the hour was the 7th past noon on the evening of the 133rd day of the common Gregorian calendar year.

7 And Al Gore said, Each year let the people of the Internets be gathered together unto one place, and let kitty petting and techno raving appear: and it was so.

Activities

- Wear pants as often as possible. Rule of thumb. This event only happens once a year so make up for it on the other 364 days.

- Tell a random bystander about red pandas (ailurus fulgens) to bring awareness about their dying population. Show them a picture of one and when they're all like, "Awwwwww" crumple it up and throw it away. Once they're like, "WTF??" you tell them that's what's going to happen to their entire species if we don't help them. There's may be fewer than 2,500 left.

[ Find images here! ]

- You must find a kitty and pet it until the kitty starts purring. If it is not purring you probably aren't trying hard enough. If you find one of those finicky kitties that's always moody, you have to spend time with that kitty until it is in the mood for being petted. This may involve feeding the kitty or allowing it to spill your blood. If you find this task too formidable or if you suffer from kitty allergies, you can recruit a friend to pet two kitties, one for each of you.

- Tell someone they're cute, even if they think you are being farcical. If they doubt your sincerity you must defiantly insist there is no other truth but their cuteness. If this person reports you for harassment you should lay low with a quiet vigil. You know this person's cute and a restraining order is not going to stop them from knowing it.

- Get together with your friends and throw a techno rave party. Alternatively, if you and your friends dislike electronic music (despite the fact it has infiltrated most mainstream pop and alternative rock by now), you should instead listen to music of your choosing and discuss the cultural significance of headbanging Europeans that brought these repetitive beats over to your country from their windmill farms, and how they may have positively influenced your culture (eg: Swedish bikini babes, nummy chocolates, raping and pillaging).

- Play social video games. Even if you just can't make it to any techno rave parties or if you have school or work the next morning, you should play games in a social setting. Play Rock Band with your roommates or get on Halo 3 with your jock buddies that all like to fight over who gets the sniper rifle. You can even use a computer and play flash games on Kongregate while meeting new people on their chat rooms. If someone asks what you are wearing you can politely inform them you are wearing pants. Most people won't be able to tell if you're lying.