The StassiNet

(As posted in the McEachern Hall Lobby)

"You never know when a nuclear war could result in the world being overrun by zombies. It is important to know basic survival tips to ensure you don't become their next meal!

Tips for identifying a zombie:
-pasty, decaying body
-Eating human flesh
-No concept of personal space
-No pain response
-Slow, shuffled movements
-Mumbling "BRAAAAAAINS"

If it is possible, escape, but keep yourself safe from any harm. If an escape is impossible, hide yourself in a room, turn off the lights and your cell phone, and be quiet. Remember, zombies are stupid. Use this to your advantage! Spread out around the room. clustering together makes you an easy meal.

Call 911 when possible to do so (the phone lines might all be in use).

Audio transmission log from UNSC Lieutenant Stassi
Stream recorded 05/26/2553
New Mombassa Station

Last weekend was the Living Dead playlist on Halo 3. Thanks to an ill-fated match on High Ground I now know the true meaning of "Survival Horror." Allow me to tell the "legendary" tale of the late UNSC Lieutenant Stassi.

Thank you Ophichius for recommending the use of deer slugs on zombies.
[Begin the "legendary" tale of Survival Horror...]