First I placed my default browser, Google Chrome, to the test.

Chrome 1.0.154.65

• Richards: 1140
• DeltaBlue: 1372
• Crypto: 998
• RayTrace: 1679
• EarleyBoyer: 2091
• RegExp: 112
• Splay: 2555
• Score: 1066

Not bad. Keep in mind at this point I don’t exactly know what the hell 1066 means, but it must be good because it’s over one thousand.

Then I decided to download and test the latest stable release of Mozilla Firefox, which you can download here. Firefox is a popular alternative to Microsoft’s travesty of a browser called Internet Explorer (more on that subject later).

Firefox 3.0.1.0

• Richards: 127
• DeltaBlue: 152
• Crypto: 79.0
• RayTrace: 151
• EarleyBoyer: 184
• RegExp: 97.3
• Splay: 418
• Score: 150

Hmm… that’s not the result I was hoping for. Right now Google is winning with a 916-point (711%) lead. Firefox, my old friend, I hope your makers one day give you the speed you deserve.

Then I called upon Microsoft’s infamous Internet Explorer which I had locked away in the bowels of my software collection from my computer’s (and my own) safety. There is no currently known method of uninstalling IE without the exorcism of demons and a virginal blood sacrifice. Deep beneath the operating system’s floorboards I traversed, and awakened its still-beating blackened heart.

Microsoft Windows Internet Explorer 7.0.5730.13

• Richards: 17.9
• DeltaBlue: 16.1
• Crypto: 29.9
• RayTrace: 44.2
• EarleyBoyer: 56.4
• RegExp: …….

Huh? What’s going on?

Sure enough, Internet Explorer committed suicide. Thankfully its violent death was isolated and did not affect Windows or my instance of Notepad that was recording the spectacle. My curiosity kept growing. I wanted to know the score. Nay, I had to know. I held my breath and called once more upon the treacherous browser’s deceitfully inviting blue “e” logo. Back demon! BACK!

Microsoft Windows Internet Explorer 7.0.5730.13 (round 2)

• Richards: 17.9
• DeltaBlue: 16.1
• Crypto: 29.9
• RayTrace: 44.2
• EarleyBoyer: 56.4
• RegExp: ……………………

This is madness!

Microsoft Windows Internet Explorer 7.0.5730.13 (round 3)

• Richards: 17.9
• DeltaBlue: 16.1
• Crypto: 29.9
• RayTrace: 44.2
• EarleyBoyer: 56.4
• RegExp: …………………………………………….

Exasperated, I gave up wrestling with the browser and beckoned it to return to its cruel masters.

Microsoft Windows Internet Explorer 7.0.5730.13 (final results)

• Richards: 17.9
• DeltaBlue: 16.1
• Crypto: 29.9
• RayTrace: 44.2
• EarleyBoyer: 56.4
• RegExp: ????
• Splay: ????
• Score: EPIC FAIL

Having successfully tested Google Chrome and Mozilla Firefox, and tempting fate with the Browser From Beyond, I had a feeling that I was forgetting one particularly forgettable group of people. Who were they again? Oh right, Apple hipsters! Their once-noble crusade against Microsoft, turned crusade against comformity, turned absolute acceptance of comformity inspired me to test their favorite and second-least-appealing browser, Apple Safari.

I download the latest public version of Apple Safari and QuickTime from this site, and I do believe I am now initiated in some sort of counter-culture terrorist cell as a minion of Steve Jobs. They will send me a porcelain white worshipper robe with an embroidered Apple logo, and I plan to attend their weekly ceremonies as long as they continue to supply the unbelievably expensive organic Pepsi they promised.

Safari 4 beta 528.17

• Richards: 1711
• DeltaBlue: 1205
• Crypto: 1161
• RayTrace: 948
• EarleyBoyer: 2226
• RegExp: 161
• Splay: 510
• Score: 882

Yum! An impressive score of 882, only 184 less than Google Chrome and a whopping 82.74% of its score. It is nearly six times better than Mozilla Firefox’s score.

It was then I realized that Google Chrome had an update available. Somewhere I became under the impression that Chrome updated itself without your consent or knowledge, which I am cool with, but suddenly it was offering me an upgrade to version 2. As I said earlier, there was a new release available and I guess I wasn’t even using it yet.

I hit the upgrade button and restarted the test.

Chrome 2.0.172.28

• Richards: 1441
• DeltaBlue: 1638
• Crypto: 1163
• RayTrace: 1913
• EarleyBoyer: 2715
• RegExp: 561
• Splay: 3512
• Score: 1610!!!!!!!

Holy crap! Chrome’s leading score was just dominated by none other than a future version of itself! D-d-d-d-double kill!

Summary

• Google Chrome - 1066 (100%)
• Mozilla Firefox 3 - 150 (14.07%) =[
• Internet Explorer 7 – ???? (-0.666%)
• Apple Safari 4 - 882 (82.74%)
• WINNER: Google Chrome 2 - 1610 (+151.03%)

The winners are Google Chrome in first place, Google Chrome in second place, and Apple Safari in third place. Microsoft, Apple may have sold out but Google is going to lock away Internet Explorer once and for all. That’s why you’re warning the Europeans that bundling Google Chrome with Windows could give them a monopoly over the home PC market with all 1% of its browser share… but think of the lives they’ll be saving.

My work here is done for now. If you want to upgrade to the fast and free Google Chrome, click here!